Skip to content
The Sapphic Sanctuary

how do you tell compulsory heterosexuality from actually being bi

5 replies319 views
bobbi
Original post

bobbi

three boyfriends. i remembered their coffee orders and still wanted the date to be over by the time the food came. last month a woman at pottery touched my wrist to move me off the wheel and i thought about it in the car until the parking garage. now i'm reading about compulsory heterosexuality at 1am and i can't tell if i'm describing my life or a script i found.

what compulsory heterosexuality feels like for me

the men were an idea of a boyfriend. a jaw on a poster. a coworker who was funny in slack and then nothing when we got dumplings. Maya from class is specific. chipped polish. she says my name wrong on purpose and i let her.

could this still be bisexual

i dated men for years. i don't want a stranger to hand me a label tonight. if you kept bi, or dropped it, or sat in the middle for a year, say which and what it was like. no quiz. i've taken the quiz. it told me to touch grass and also that i might be several things.

Related reading: Community Guidelines · Contact the moderators · Who is welcome at The Sapphic Sanctuary? · Do I need to be sure of my sexuality to call myself sapphic? · Questioning · Late bloomer

Replies

5 replies

  • Priya

    Priya

    i kept bi. there was a boyfriend at 22 i actually wanted, not the poster kind. there's also my wife. comphet was the pressure to pick the legible life. it wasn't the same as "men do nothing for me." if men do nothing, i wouldn't fight you on lesbian. if one of them was real, bi still fits.

  • Rowan

    Rowan

    poster crushes were my whole "attraction to men." in the room, nothing. took me until 29 to stop calling that bisexual because bisexual sounded kinder than lesbian in my family. kinder for them. not for me.

  • jess_writes

    jess_writes

    you can want some men and still have dated other men because it was the script. those two things get mashed together online. Priya's split is the one i use when friends ask me.

  • Nell

    Nell

    i sat in "i don't know" for fourteen months. annoying. also fine. the pottery thing sounds like a crush, not a theory.

  • bobbi

    bobbi

    fourteen months. ok. i'm on month one and already tired. Maya does not know she is a discussion topic. keeping it that way until i can say a sentence out loud without sounding like a podcast.

Reply to thread

Sign in to reply

You need an account before you can join the discussion.

Posts by participant

Share of posts in this thread

  • bobbi

    bobbi

    33%

    2 posts

  • jess_writes

    jess_writes

    17%

    1 post

  • Nell

    Nell

    17%

    1 post

  • Priya

    Priya

    17%

    1 post

  • Rowan

    Rowan

    17%

    1 post

6 posts total · top 5 shown